You’ll find many times that a lot of young women have been alone but they’ve never been single. What I mean when I say that is that they’ve failed to embrace themselves, focus on their soul being or learn how to genuinely be content with themselves in their single season. Instead you find yourself alone, where everything rests and builds around the idea of someone coming along to complete you and make everything right about you. Until then we get this idea that everything hangs in the balance of incompletion. None of which is fully true.
Now I do believe for many women this is the pivotal time to refine and build ourselves to be a wife or mother that has much to offer their family whether we’re thinking about marriage or not. But even outside of marriage single women still have a life of purpose and are called to live on purpose.
Be single. An individual.
And rejoice in what God is doing in you because He’s preparing you.
This is you time.
This is the part where you find out who you really are and all that you’re made of.
Here are a few things I think every young woman should learn in her single season:
1. Car Maintenance
This is something I had to learn and am continuing to learn on my own. I think every woman should learn how to check their oil, how to check the transmission fluid, possibly how to change a tire and if anything having the necessary tools available in your car like jumper cables in case the battery dies, a tire jack, tire inflater and sealer like Fix-a-Flat which can plug a leak just enough to get you to a nearby auto shop.
The point is, it’s just not safe for a woman to be left stranded who-knows-where alone, possibly at night after work, and finding herself totally helpless. If you’re not sure how to do any of these things now may be the time to learn. It’s all about being preventative against a bad situation turning to a safety crisis.
2. Emergency Prep
If you find yourself alone a lot it’s good to be cautious about what could be a potential threat to your safety and start preparing for that now. If you live alone, I might not say to go as far as buying a gun but even a steel bat and keeping your car keys close at night would be wise just in case. You never know who’s watching you and the world is a crazy place and increasing. This isn’t meant to scare you but it’s smart to be on the prepared side for anything that could happen. A lot of things happen to innocent people who thought it would “never happen to them.”
Also keep the basics in mind, a flashlight, batteries, food and water supply, first aid kit and store these in the car as well! If something ever happens to go down, you’ll be ready.
3. Spiritual Discipline
There will some days you feel on top of the world and there are other days you may feel completely lonely and utterly unsatisfied. It happens. And don’t condemn yourself when it does. But what I’ve learned is that anytime our flesh starts to crave more in its dissatisfaction, more attention, more lust, more longing, it’s mainly because we’ve walked out of Eden. When I say Eden I mean that safe place in the presence of God where it’s just you and Him and being affirmed in His love for you, His care for you, His protection guarding your heart.
Being alone can be absolutely wonderful when we turn it into being alone with God. When we make it a daily habit to acknowledge God’s loving presence in our lives through reading His word on a daily basis, turning to Him in prayer in times of need and attending a sound Church with His body of people who fellowship and grow as we were created to, our soul is made whole in Him. Spiritual discipline and keeping Christ at the center is the key to all of this. You are loved. Even when you’re not being pursued by a man, Jesus is always pursuing you. [Click to tweet this]
“I have loved you with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” -God (Jeremiah 31:3)
4. Being Active
Don’t let yourself sit and sulk in the house and throw a pity party for how much life stinks being alone. There are so many great aspects of being single! Girl, you better get out the house and sign up for Zumba or something! Make your time purposeful. You have a life of adventure to be lived. Learn how to make yourself get out and do something when all you want to do is sit in your sinkhole of misery and laziness. Get up, take a shower, throw on something nice and meet a friend for coffee, go see a play/movie, attend a church event, invest in something that you love to do.
5. Home Economics
As single women in waiting, now is training time to structure your future family household. Managing the house, learning basic recipes, getting in the cleaning habit, etc is all going to be a blessing not only to you but to your family. And now is the time to practice! Think of yourself in preparation. Besides everything flows outward from the home so having an orderly and peaceful culture at home only benefits our daily lives.
Learning how to save and be intentional about our finances is so necessary. Its all about telling our money where to go and not letting our money control us. It’s the difference between balancing out priority expenses versus coming up short every month and finding yourself in a crisis. I have this monthly budget spreadsheet I use which calculates how much income you’ll have for that month, what expenses need to be paid and what’s left over that can be saved. Creating something even as simple as this will only be beneficial and many times preventative from emergencies.
7. A New Skill or Language
Why not use this time to expand your skills and invest in learning something new? You never know where an acquired skill or language will take you in life. Take a cooking class, become fluent in Spanish, learn how to play piano or ride a horse. Maybe learn something you never really caught onto like swimming. Become CPR certified. Go back to school and get a certificate in a skill of interest. That’s the thing, when its just you there’s no distractions so you can enjoy the fulfillment of investing in yourself and your own growth. Fill your time with purpose!
8. Routine Fitness
Taking care of your body will not only be a confidence booster that feels good but it’s good for you long term. It’s a great idea to start getting in a routine of physical fitness whether that’s a morning run, getting a gym membership or signing up for a weekly workout class specifically set aside for you and your temple. It’s another way of saying, “I value me.” which you should. God gave us our bodies and its our job to steward them well.
9. Being Planted Around the Right People
They say you become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Who we decide to surround ourselves with says not only a lot about who we are but the type of person we’re becoming. It’s time to let go of toxic relationships and invest in enriching ones headed in the direction you aspire for. Now is the time to decide what your life will be and what will and will not be allowed in it. Start having enough respect for yourself to have healthy standards of the people you plant yourself around. Women who build up not tear down. Women you can trust. Women who love you enough to have your best interest in mind. Women whose words uplift. Women who are genuine. As we get older we realize the value of friends is less about quantity and more about quality. Be purposeful about your friendships.
10. Their Worth
A woman who doesn’t know her worth will settle for less than she deserves and find herself trapped in a mess that’s even harder to get out of. Women without boundaries will soon be women without respect. [Click to tweet this] You set the standard of how you should be treated. It’s not cockiness or pride it’s value. Just because someone desires you doesn’t mean they value you. No matter how good they look or exciting they seem you are SO worth more than someone playing games. Never be a persons half time, down time, spare time or sometimes and waste your time. It’s better to be single and wait for what you deserve than lower your standards and settle for less than Gods best for you. Give your heart completely to God and let Him place it in the hands of the one He’s prepared for you in His timing. Until then, know your worth. Love builds, protects, respects and commits.
Singleness is a gift not a curse. Everything has its season at the perfect time. Its the time you get to spend loving and getting to know yourself and growing into your fullest potential. Its also the time to let God mold you. Use this time to know God more and continue to equip yourself for marriage and your future!